Renovations and Living in “Process.”

The past months have been overwhelming to put it mildly. Our family moved houses in March and we have been living in the constant tension of renovations ever since.
I am not good at living well in the midst of constant inconsistency. In the ‘in-between’ state, where we are ‘almost done- but not quite.’ If you have ever done renovations, you know what I am talking about. We did a good amount of the major renovations within the first few weeks of moving in- gutting and re-doing the kitchen, ripping out flooring and walls, drywalling and putting in carpet upstairs. Most recently we just gutted and re-did our backyard. Next on the list is the basement. (FYI - I am incredibly thankful for my carpenter husband who is incredibly skilled on the how-to of getting these renovations started and bringing them to completion). My skills come in when we are visioning a project, and putting on the finishing decorative touches and making a house, “home.”

In this journey of renovating, I have realized that it isn’t the big renovations that cause me stress or tension. I can rise to the occasion easily with the big projects. Demo the old rotting deck? Great. Landscape the front flower bed? No problem. Whitewash stone tile? Absolutely.
The things that really get to me though?
…It’s the front door that has two different colours of paint on it because I wasn’t sure which one to go with and then never got to finishing it. It’s the baseboards that have been installed, but still need paint touchups. It’s the dings in the walls that need to be dapped and painted, and having three small humans who are incredibly gifted at “accidentally” getting marker on newly painted walls that I haven’t gotten around to removing yet.

These “smaller” renovations are constantly reminding me that things are not yet finished, and if I let it, it can derail my everyday and weigh heavily on my soul.
It sounds dramatic, but its true.
I am learning that when my goal and my focus is to “finish” all the work (ie. check all the boxes, and put a bow on home renovations (or my life in general) that I will never feel free from this weight.
Because honestly? This whole one beautiful and messy life we get to live is all lived in the “almost finished.”

We are always in process.

I feel like this reality is both deeply discouraging and immensely freeing.

The discouragement comes flooding in when my eyes are on me and what I can/should do.
I catch myself living out of this space when my inner dialogue uses “When/If/Once…. then…” language.
Once I just figure out a system to run my household better…. Then….
When I finish up all of our renovations…. Then….
If I could just have more time…. Then…
When my kids get a bit older…. Then…
Once I start praying more and figure out a Bible reading plan…. Then…
If I could only be healed of depression/anxiety/sickness… Then…

This way of thinking is primarily focused on what I perceive I need to do/should do or on my circumstances and what needs to be different so that I can be “finished.”
Friends, I am realizing that so often I find myself living for a sense of “arrival,”without realizing that often the finish line is just another beginning; a new starting line that brings me right back to living in the tension of being in process once again.

Sweet friends, our internal and our external lives are all in “process.”

In our own labor and effort we will never get it all done. We will never completely finish. We will never “arrive.”  Once we can admit to that and allow the discouragement of that reality to settle, then we can breathe in deep of the immense relief that comes with that understanding.

You are not called to “arrive.”
You are not made so you can “finish” all the things.
You are created to live and move and have your being in the God who proclaimed “it is finished” over all of eternity.
(See Acts 17:28 and John 18:28-30)

I was recently reading in the book of Acts and I was struck by Paul’s words to his hearers in Athens. Words spoken a couple thousand years ago that are just as poignant to our ears now as it was to theirs. He says:

24 “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. 25 And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. 26 From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. 27 God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. 28 ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’[a] As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his children.’
(Acts 17:24-28)

We live in process.
And the relief comes when we remember that the work of our hands is not the main event.
God doesn’t live in temples built by our hands, nor does He require the work of hands.

He has already accomplished, finished, and completed all that is necessary for us to be filled with the fullest life.

Oh how I can get so caught up in the tangle of a never ending to-do list, and feel crushed by the weight of things left undone. I can get caught up in the barrage of influencers on instagram trying to tell me what I don’t have and what I need and how if I just only grasped hold of this one more thing that they are offering me, than I will somehow be fulfilled.
My list of “should’s” can grow long and I can spend my days in a frenzy of hurry, trying to check boxes that God never asked me to tick off.
And the result? I miss all of the gifts of this one beautiful, messy, life that God has me in.
And the God who is Life itself, who surrendered to death on a cross that He might receive all of you - also gives us all of Himself right here and right now, right in the middle of whatever we find ourselves in.  And the joy? Is that we can be confident knowing that He who began a good work in us will complete it in us. (Philippians 1:6)

Our job?
Keep opening hands in surrender.
Keep receiving the finished work that He has completed for us on the cross.
Keep asking Him to make you aware of His presence with you.
Keep learning to live a life that starts at His feet, and continually turns back to Him.
Practically orient your days so that you are able to live in the way of Jesus, and not just getting pushed along any which way.
Let His Word put the noise of all other words in their place.

And then? We can finally exhale sweet relief in the midst of this life we live that is constantly in process…
Because we can know for sure that there is a sure place for our feet in the person of Jesus in this  ever-moving landscape of our lives. Though we are always in transition, our hope is fixed, our feet secure, and our hearts are steady.

Lord, lead us in this Way.


Walking with you,

    Jalene